Learning and Growing

Each and every day I am learning more about myself as an artist. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, mainly about the future. Where I see myself, or where I want to be in 5 years..more..or less. It’s nerve racking to think about where I’ll be headed. I’m 16 years old, and I know I’ve got time to figure things out, but at the same time the clock is ticking and I know I’ve got to keep my head in the game.. (ha-ha, I know you’re totally humming High School Musical to yourself right now.)

I’ve realized that I really need to step it up a notch. I feel as if I am so limited, mainly because of my age and location, but at the same time I know I can do more than I am doing now. I’ve got all of this potential building up inside of me, but I need more courage. I work so very hard at what I do, and I love it to death. But at the same time, I’m extremely hard on myself and I am easily discouraged. It’s so bittersweet to look around at all of the talented artists in this world. I am so very blessed to be inspired by such beautiful individuals who share the same passion as I do. But lets face it, photography is a very competitive field. And though everyone has something special to bring to the table, I have to ask myself, is what I’m bringing, something anybody even wants?

I want to stay true to myself as I continue to grow as an individual and an artist, but it’s tough. I don’t have a problem acknowledging that something I’ve done is good.. And it’s completely healthy to be confident in your work. I know that I am, at least to a certain extent. But not nearly enough as I think I should be. Over the years, especially this past year, and even year before that, I’ve had some incredible supporters. I can’t express how grateful I am to the individuals who encourage me. But despite the overwhelming support and compliments, I still feel as if I am not worthy of any of it. Though I know I’ve worked hard, I always seem to find a way to deflect comments and support that I receive from others. It’s not that I don’t think they are being honest..I don’t know. I suppose it’s more of a subconscious thing. It’s a reflex to just think “..ya well.. that’s very nice but..”I struggle to find the line between being humble and then just flat out not believing in myself. And I hold myself back way to much.
I have my ups and downs and I go through different phases, but ultimately this is something that is holding me back from being something that I know I could be. The fact of the matter is, with the field I want to work in, it’s not just about being good. There are a billion brilliant artists out there, so why don’t we all see there work plastered everywhere? If only it worked that way…

I’ve got to start putting myself out there. I’ve got to start taking the big steps.

Otherwise, no matter what, I’ll never make it.

Once again, thank you to all who continue to support me with your kind words, prayers, and donations, you have no idea how much it means to me <3