Thank you for being so faithful to me over the past several months. 

I appreciate the recent upgrades..and the new intuitive format..

However I’ve met someone else. 

Tumblr. 

Thank you for being so good to me. There will always be a special place in my heart for you. 

And hey! Not all changes are bad! I’ll still be using you for my website. 

But for now I’ll be over here  

-Joy 

…so yeah…with the new year and all I thought ‘why not?’

plus tumblr is just so dang hip. 

www.andbreathe.tumblr.com

We get distracted by the dreams of our own
But nobody’s happy while feeling alone
And knowing how hard it hurts when we fall
We lean another ladder against the wrong wall

I’m not a huge fan of nude photography in general..in most cases I can never see it executed properly..in my opinion..so I’ve always just thought “why go there?”

but this is just absolute art..absolute beauty at its finest..

photographs by Bill Durgin

I signed into my old photo bucket account…I couldn’t resist..

I’ll start with the worst and work my way to the present..hah oh boy..

3rd Grade..over on the far left..as if you couldn’t already tell..

7th grade..on the left with my sister Marilyn.

I’d like to take this opportunity to say that I was THE FIRST person to wear ‘the bump’ in my hair via Paris Hilton status.

That was the first and last year I did that. Thank you very much.

Not gonna lie, this is pretty cool. 8th grade I think- judging on the bangs.

Ah yes, some of my old brilliant…”photography”…the reason why I don’t make fun of anyone’s photos..hey everyone has to start out somehwhere!

R.I.P. Charlie by far the cutest fish I’ve ever had.

R.I.P Abby..she died my freshman year in high school. Electrocuted herself- no joke!

Funny/sad if you knew her..

Every single one of my best friends since the 8th grade have moved away. No Joke.

Including Courtney, who moved to Arizona before school started this year

Genuinely embarrassed about this.. 8th grade Valentines dance. I’m pretty sure

this was the “ASB officers photo” that was our Student Council teacher and I was

Student Counsel Vice President that year- hahaha. CHUBBBBSTER.

I always go back and forth on whether I should get bangs again…but I think they make me look really young..

And then I went through this phase where I thought I could paint..

uhhh or NOT.

Marilyn and I, 8th grade year, I’ve always liked this one of us

Freshman year…

——————————————————————————————

What I wouldn’t give to have her way with words..

I guess in a way we compliment each other.

I’m getting back in that mode. That frame of mind. THAT mode.

The feeling of being stuck. That feeling where there are a million and one directions  I could be going and I seriously don’t know where the heck to go.

Welcome to life- right?

I’m so incredibly frustrated with myself. Ever since I can remember I’ve always been one to have a game plan. Or last I’ve wanted to have a game plan. I’m not very spontaneous. I don’t do well not knowing the details of everything. I’m not a control freak..but I value security and assurance…and reassurance.

It seems like it was just yesturday that I was starting high school. I was just a little fourteen your old girl.  Now my Jr. Year is practically half over and I’ll be 17 in a month. I know someone is going to laugh at that statement.

Seventeen years hold! You have your whole life ahead of you! Well bare with me while I pull out the teenage angst card for a bit alright?

Naturally with my senior year approaching I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the future. So naturally I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my work..being an ‘artist’ in general…and just where I envision myself in the next five years.

Even as I type this I can feel my fingers start to tighten up- knots slowly developing themselves in my stomach.

I am so afraid.

I’ve never been one for making decisions easily. I am probably the most indecisive person you will ever meet.  To this day I will wait until the rest of my family orders their meal in a restaurant before choosing what I want to order (which means choosing exactly what my brother or sister ordered) because I can never make up my mind…and if I do happen to make a choice on my own I usual regret it. Ah!!

There are so many choices to be made and I haven’t even gotten to the point where I need to make them and I’m already worrying.

I still don’t understand why God gave me the one talent/passion for something that [in today's society] you have to bold about doing it..

Can I just be immature and irrational for a minute?

I SUCK AT PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE!

For so long I have been stuck in my own little peaceful bubble. The bubble where most people I meet appreciate what I do and there isn’t too much competition to deal with. I’ve never been the business type. I’m not trying to impress anybody. I’m not even trying to make money here. I’m just doing what I know how to do- what I love to do. I’m doing this because I have to, because if I didn’t…I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.literally.

The face of the matter is..there are so many brilliantly heartbreaking, unbelievably beautiful, incredibly talented artists out there.And it’s tough sitting here looking at and wondering where I belong in all of that, or if I even do.  I am so incredibly out of touch with what God wants me to do it’s not even funny. This is the first time in a long time I’ve ever admitted that.

And the funny thing is, I know what to do to get certain places. I at least have an idea of what it will mean for me..and what steps I will have to take to make it possible. But the problem is,

I don’t know what in the word I want.

I really don’t.

And so here I am, asking myself, “Okay Joy, what do you want? What do you want to do with yourself? What do you want to do with all of this?” When I know I should be asking, “Okay God, what can I do for you? What can I do with my life, and my gift to serve you?”

I know that there are some people who will read this who won’t be able to relate at all to what I’m going through.

I know that it is a hard concept for some to wrap their mind around.  But the fact of the matter is, I’m not supposed to be doing any of this for anyone. I’m not supposed to be doing this for me.  And it’s so hard to give it up. It’s so hard for me to give myself away.

It’s scary.  But I can’t do it on my own- It just doesn’t work.

So I’ve decided to start blogging on here again..I’ll keep the proffesional stuff for my website and the..not so professional rantings for this one. So indecisive.

fountain
fountain
we are the same
you with the water
me with the pain
turning it over
again and again

don’t you wish you could throw their pennies back at them

fountain
fountain
we are the same
fountain
fountain
we are the same
all that anyone ever asks from you
are the things you reflect back to them

don’t you wish you could throw their pennies back at them

fountain
fountain
we are the same
fountain
fountain
we are the same
it is so beautiful how you remain

Since my official website is up a running, I will now be posting recent projects and such there,

www.joysbreathoflife.com

You can click on the main photo header you see to view my newest post, search through recent posts, or access the archives to view even older posts.

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Senior photos for the class of 09 round one..